Do you live in Mexico, and wondering about sex in your 60s? Jenna Mayhew has worked as a psychologist in Mexico for eight years. In her practice, Hola Therapy, she makes it her mission to help foreigners living in Mexico, Mexicans who have foreign partners, foreigners who have ties to Mexico, and Mexicans who have ties to foreigners or foreign countries.
Now, Jenna answers MND readers’ questions about pressing issues in relationships, mental health, and the changes that come with relocating and living in Mexico.
Dear Jenna,
I am a 63 year old woman and I live in Mexico. I recently started dating again. What are realistic expectations for sexual relations at my age?
Shy but open
Dear Shy but open,
Great question! It seems like you’re entering an exciting new chapter, and it’s natural to feel both uncertain and hopeful.
Let me start by saying that you can set high expectations! Many people find their sex lives improve as they get older, and experience higher levels of sexual satisfaction than younger adults. In addition, the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2021 found that 10% of adults over the age of 90 remain sexually active. So you potentially have decades of great sex ahead.
Although pleasure and satisfaction increase, it is important to be aware of some of the physical changes that come with age. Physical health problems such as arthritis, chronic pain, or incontinence can make sex difficult. The sex organs themselves begin to function differently. The vagina can shorten and narrow and vaginal lubrication decreases. In men, erectile dysfunction (impotence) is also becoming more common. Even when an erection is achieved, the erection may not last long or be stiff.
In the 60s, it usually takes more time for physiological arousal for both women and men. This is a normal and expected change. This should not be taken as a reflection of your partner’s interest in you or vice versa. On the other hand, pain is not and should not be considered normal. There are often relatively simple solutions that doctors, pharmacists and therapists can offer, and physical changes need not be a barrier to a healthy, safe and deeply satisfying sex life.
I would like to add that many adults/seniors have not received the type of sexual education that is common in schools today. So it’s worth mentioning that even if pregnancy doesn’t pose any risks, you still need to protect yourself from Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). If you choose to be exclusive, you may want both to be tested. This also applies to same-sex sexual relations. Considering that nearly half of older lesbians have had heterosexual relations at some time in their lives, and that female-to-female transmission of STIs such as HIV is possible (although rare), protection against STIs is still necessary.
At this age and stage, you have a great opportunity to create the kind of sexual relationship you desire. Don’t hesitate to educate yourself and seek support from professionals. Here’s to a long, enjoyable, and fulfilling sexual future!
Jenna
Ask your questions
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Jenna Mayhew is an Australian psychologist living in Mexico, with over 20 years experience in Australia, the UK and Mexico. She is the founder of Hola Therapy, a bilingual practice dedicated to supporting immigrant and cross-cultural communities in Mexico. Hola Therapy provides in-person and online therapy throughout Mexico and around the world. Jenna’s work combines her broad expertise with a deep commitment to addressing the unique challenges individuals face in diverse cultural environments.
