IIf misery loves company, so does anger. It feels so good to vent to those you love about life’s annoyances, big and small.
You might think that ranting about annoying work tasks or rude comments is healthy, but research shows otherwise. Venting in anger “is the worst thing you can do” when you’re angry, said Brad Bushman, a communications professor at Ohio State University who studies the topic. This means “adding more fuel to the fire.”
For a long time, psychologists have believed in the “catharsis theory,” or the idea that it is better to release negative emotions than to hold them in. But in 2002, Bushman published a study that questioned that logic. He showed that when someone expresses their anger, for example by hitting a punching bag, they become even more angry and aggressive. That’s not good, because research shows that anger is associated with a variety of mental and even physical health problems.
Dissecting a frustrating conversation or social distraction can trigger rumination—a psychological term for fixating on negative thoughts and feelings—and eliminate relatively minor annoyances, says Jesse Cougle, a psychology professor at Florida State University who studies anger. Nothing healthy. Indeed, a 2020 study of pandemic coping strategies found that venting was associated with poorer mental health, while tactics such as acceptance, joking and reframing the situation positively appeared to improve well-being.
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“In general, you should act according to your expectations,” Cougle said. For most people, this means trying to forget the anger rather than getting caught up in it.
Bushman’s latest research shows that calming practices such as meditation, yoga and deep breathing are better at calming anger than tantrums. The goal should be to decrease, not increase arousal, he said. (Even running, considered by many to be a kind of therapy, raises arousal too high to be an effective anger reliever. “You should run because it’s good for your health,” but not because it will make you feel better. feel calmer , Bushman said.)
The problem is that when you’re angry, it happens felt it’s better to rant and rave than to take a deep breath. Bushman has seen that in his research. Although activities like hitting a punching bag don’t actually reduce anger, “75% of people report feeling better” after doing them, he said.
The same thing often applies when venting to friends, Cougle says. It’s nice to have someone validate your perspective, especially when they agree that you’re in the right and the jerk who cut you off is wrong. “You take it [the person you’re complaining about] go down a notch and pick yourself up,” Cougle said.
Can something that feels so good turn out to be wrong? Bushman said no always it’s a bad thing to get something off your chest. Talking about negative feelings with the goal of understanding why something bothers you and how to respond better in the future, such as with a therapist, can be beneficial, she says. And you don’t need to make yourself soft to avoid anger, Cougle says; When someone has truly wronged you, or you’re facing an upsetting situation that you have the power to change, it’s okay to speak up.
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Disengagement is less useful, Cougle says, when it’s mean-spirited—when you just want to make your mother-in-law look bad, instead of making yourself feel better—or when you’re doing the same thing you did. have gone over it dozens of times before, letting yourself get caught up in the anger of the past without trying to forget it. “It’s all a matter of degree,” he said.
Research shows that the person listening to your rant also matters. A 2023 study found that people with large social networks often felt worse when they disengaged, whereas people with smaller social circles felt better. This may be because people with large networks tend to confide in many people, some of whom may not respond well, whereas people with fewer social contacts are more selective about their audience and how they talk about their problems, it is hypothesized. the writers.
When you feel like you’re stuck in quicksand, look for healthier coping strategies. If yoga and meditation aren’t your thing, try a quick change of perspective. Bushman’s research supports the “fly-on-the-wall” technique, which challenges angry people to imagine themselves as a third party observing the situation that made them angry. A 2019 study also found that it’s healthier to look for broader meaning in upsetting situations (Think: “You can’t always get what you want”) rather than getting hung up on every annoying detail.
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And in contrast to the age-old “take it out” psychological wisdom, suppressing negative thoughts can sometimes help them lose control, according to research by Michael Anderson, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at the University of Cambridge in England in 2023. In their research, Anderson and colleagues His colleagues found that when people tried to avoid thinking about things that scared or upset them, their mental health improved. The impact is very positive for people with ruminative conditions such as anxiety.
Although his research didn’t specifically address anger and anger venting, Anderson said the same principles may apply. “By processing, elaborating and discussing something, you run the risk of making it so memorable and connected to so many other thoughts that it becomes more difficult to organize,” he says. “If things are out of your control, or annoying but not that important, just put them to bed. Just turn it off.”
And finally, don’t underestimate the impact of hangers, namely getting angry when hungry. Science shows that this is a real phenomenon. So, next time you feel like you’re getting ready for a venting session, think about grabbing a snack and taking a few deep breaths.